Kehlani is just like us. She has the capacity to feel things with extreme depth, act fleetingly on her feelings, and she has a heart large enough to sometimes entice trouble and lead her astray. When the Grammy nominated singers on/off ex-boyfriend, OVO signed ‘Kehlani’s Freestyle’ singer Partynextdoor posted a photo of the two holding hands in bed on instagram Tuesday morning, cryptically captioned: “After all the shenanigans, still got the R&B singer back in my bed” vicious shots were stabbed directly toward Kehlani who was thought to be dating Cleveland Cavaliers player Kyrie Irving. At the bat of an eyelid, Kehlani was the joke turned punching bag of the internet, the same Future hive that watched Future take over the trap scene after cheating on Ciara crying ‘hoe’ in her direction.
Hours after all the drama ensued, Kehlani took to instagram posting a now deleted photo of her arm on a drip in a hospital room, stating: “today I wanted to leave this earth. Being completely selfish for once. Never thought I’d get to such a low point. But.. Don’t believe the blogs you read .. No one was cheated on and I’m not a bad person… Everyone is hurt and everyone is in a place of misunderstanding.. But as of today, I had no single wish to see tomorrow.. But God saved me for a reason…” Apparently the plea wasn’t convincing enough for some, and immediately came the flood gate of speculating comments circulating not only her instagram post but the internets entirety, questioning the authenticity of her statement and invalidating her own personal issues – perpetuating her into even further of a universal joke. We’re accustomed to believe that social media is inadequate and automatically weakens the sincerity of a matter, but bringing relief and knowledge to her fans is a logically important task for Kehlani, as well as appointing awareness to a topic that is so commonly belittled and erased… Case in point.
Who are any of us to ever dictate the authenticity and severity of someone else’s struggles? Particularly when your understanding of this person and their life is only a fraction of the perception that they give you access to see? Human beings tend to forget that even the people you see on the internet and TV are actual, real life, functioning, emotion driven human beings with a brain and a heart, and being in the public eye or living a luxurious lifestyle is not equivalent to easing your way through life minus complications. None of us – instagram posts viewed or not – know the 100% full reality of Kehlani’s situation, mental state or other contributing factors which were likely involved, and neither should we have to without her consent. But something our knowledge as outsiders should never enable us to do is to guess.
It’s not an uncommon plight for females to be questioned about the authenticity of their mental health issues in assumption of a serious issue merely being ‘a cry for attention’, instead of being met with the obvious support and compassion necessary. Interestingly enough, Prison Break actor Wentworth Miller took to his facebook page coincidentally the same day as Kehlani’s hospitalisation, speaking on a meme he’d found himself a subject of consisting of two side by side photos of himself, the second of which looking slightly heavier than he does in the first. Miller spoke on how in 2010, the year pictured in the second photograph, he was combatting a deep depression and eating became his one unparalleled comfort; the solace he could always return to and his highlight when he felt he had nothing else left to live for. He talked about his struggle with depression since childhood. How “It’s a battle that’s cost me time, opportunities, relationships, and a thousand sleepless nights”. He also talked about how “Now, when I see that image of me in my red t-shirt, a rare smile on my face, I am reminded of my struggle. My endurance and my perseverance in the face of all kinds of demons. Some within. Some without.” Wentworths viral post attracted an overwhelmingly sympathetic response, with now almost a million likes and over 280,000 shares. So where do the lines draw differently between how Wentworth and Kehlani’s situation is perceived? Who are we to judge which celebrity is fake and which is real? Do we have to check the requirements off of an imaginary mental illness handbook in order to be respected? We’re all battling different fights and everyones coping mechanisms are unique to that individual, so why do we belittle each others battles and trivialise young, talented 20 year old women with prosperous careers ahead of them? All mental illnesses need to be treated with equal compassion instead of being treated with ones own prejudice assessment of what they believe is valid.
It’s the ignorant Chris Browns of the world, the males who appear from oblivion spewing misogyny and control, bearing partial opinions without ever being asked to do so and claiming ridiculous sentiments such as Brown’s vulgar tweets last night: “There is no attempting suicide. Stop flexing for the gram. Doing shit for sympathy so them comments under your pics don’t look so bad”. Self proclaimed mental health professionals (aka twitter warriors with a lot of time on their hands) continue to feel entitled to over share their two cents in situations which don’t call for their input. Announcing ‘that’s what happens when a hoe gets caught being a hoe’, ‘she’s too sensitive to be famous’ and that ‘she’s using depression as an excuse’ are only a few of examples among even uglier commentary I’ve seen slung across Twitter in the past 48 hours. No matter who you are and how much of ‘just a joke’ that you insist it is, what could compel a person to find humour in another persons darkest demons is a daunting equation to interpret. To spring to the presumption that Kehlani isn’t being genuine because you’re butthurt that she supposedly cheated on her man (this presumption squashed entirely by Kyrie Irving’s now deleted tweets admitting at the time the photo was posted the two were no longer in a relationship) screams double standard coming from the same boys who were making ‘side hoe’ jokes last week and idolize the same notoriously unfaithful rappers Kehlani is friends with.
The impact of social media is no lie. For someone who builds their career and gains exposure via the platform that social media has become, abuse isn’t something that can be switched on and off when you’re having an off day. Know your place online, stay in your lane and quit fooling yourself that just because someones personal information has been disclosed online that suddenly it’s your business. Recognise that just because they have privileges celebrities do not have a protective shield sheltering them away from negativity and harmful, triggering content. Celebrities are not the property of society nor are they your plaything. The internet isn’t a game – it’s really real out here, people don’t play around and other peoples lives can get played with in the process. The only difference between Kehlani and I is the number of faces behind screens who are watching us, recording our every move and waiting for us to fuck up to use to our disadvantage.
Anyone affected by the issues discussed in this piece are encouraged to reach out to support groups Lifeline on 0800 543 354 (NZ) and National Suicide Prevention Line on 1-800-273-TALK (US).
princessloz 